Welcome to the first day of April where major news is being made in La Politica. Once again we have the scoop. . .

--Republican Guv hopeful Duke Rodriguez proclaims that if elected he will advocate for a constitutional amendment that would allow anyone living within 1000 miles of the state's borders to run for governor. He said the sole exception would be owners of cannabis dispensaries.  

--Sam Bregman says he will no longer wear his black cowboy hat to distinguish himself. "I am switching to a sombrero effective today," he declared. If that doesn't move the numbers then I'll switch to a Chicago Cubs baseball cap, the team my son Alex plays for."

--Also from the Bregman camp comes word that Alex will donate $20 million to a PAC supporting his father's bid for higher office. "Dad or his fund-raisers call every night interrupting my kids homework. I hope the check buys me some time," commented the wealthy baseball star. 

Governor candidate Deb Haaland, who has raised eyebrows for the expensive early campaign she is running, says she is cutting back. "We're getting the consultants out of the Ferraris and into ordinary Cadillac SUV's. They will also will be ineligible to receive any rebate checks that Sam Bregman plans on giving out if he becomes governor."

--Gov Lujan Grisham has major plans for her final months in office. After winning approval for free universal child care and college tuition, the Governor is now proposing that every New Mexican be given free state lottery tickets, free memberships at Costco, free Lotaburgers and free tours of the Zorro Ranch. Asked her plans for when she leaves office, she responded, "I will be opening a chain of Lilly Barrack jewelry stores--but they won't be free." 

--State Police have issued an Amber Alert for Lt. Gov. Howie Morales who has been missing for seven years. "We never give up hope for finding a lost New Mexican," said recently appointed Chief Harold Medina. 

--Billionaire Meg Whitman, who has been rumoured to be a possible candidate for the presidency of the University of New Mexico, says she is not interested in the position. "Instead I will be buying UNM. I have made an offer of $3.2 billion for the entire ABQ campus that includes all structures and facilities except the famous Duck Pond. That will be owned by developer Jim Long who will build condos there," announced Whitman.

Bullington

This just in: The New Mexico Legislature has passed a major "modernization" measure. Effective immediately lawmakers will meet all year long--either at the Roundhouse or Sandia Resort and Casino--whichever they find convenient; one third of any future surplus oil revenue will be dedicated to lawmakers' pensions; lobbyist JD Bullington will supervise all ethics-related investigations and all brands of liquor consumed during legislative sessions will be approved by a joint Senate-House Committee. The proposal, opposed in public opinion polling by an 88-12 margin, passed unanimously.

--ABQ Mayor Tim Keller will announce today that he will seek fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh terms to the office. "When I complete those terms I will be opening a political consulting firm with Alex Uballez who can't wait that long to replace me," commented the third term mayor.  

More breaking news. Santa Fe Mayor Michael Garcia has solved the city's obelisk problem at the downtown Plaza. A statue of a giant burrito (16 feet tall) will fill the long empty space. The statue will be modeled after the roast beef burrito at Tomasita's restaurant which will sponsor the display. Garcia said the big burrito will turn green during the Christmas holidays and go red on hot weather days. One city councilor who lobbied for a tamale statue cast the lone dissenting vote.  

This is the Home of New Mexico Politics.